The Day that Changed Everything
by genvessel
Summary: Post Administration. Donna's life is going swimmingly. Husband, two kids, perfect life. Then she gets a letter that changes everything.
1. The Letter

A/N: Post-Administration J/D, but not really... you'll just have to read on to know what I mean...

The Day that Changed Everything 

"Honey, did you get the mail?" Donna Yates called from the kitchen of her Doylestown, PA home.

"Yeah," her husband of 25 years, Max, replied from the couch in the living room.

It was a quiet Saturday afternoon in the Yates household – as most Saturday afternoons were. Donna and Max rarely saw each other on weekdays, so they reveled in the peace that weekends brought.

Almost 17 years ago, Donna and Max moved their family of four from the hustle and bustle of Washington, DC to the quiet Philadelphia suburb of Doylestown. Max was inching ever closer to retirement as American Government teacher at Pennsbury High School – about 45 minutes from their home – and Donna was gearing up to return to politics as Josh's assistant once again.

In the last year of President Bartlet's administration, Maxwell Yates had been brought in to the White House as an advisor for an exploratory study into a national education standard. As the one of the most revered public school teachers in the country, and a passionate advocate of the cause, Max was more than delighted to serve at the pleasure of the President. Especially when he discovered the woman that gave him the grand tour of the White House – Donnatella Moss, head assistant to the Deputy Chief of Staff.

During Max's visit, the two really hit it off and began a long distance dating relationship that lasted two years before finally turning into marriage.

For 8 years, the Yates' made their home just outside Washington. During that tenure, Max served at Secretary of Education for two different presidents, setting up a national education system that revolutionized the world, and Donna continued her life as Josh Lyman's trusty deputy through all of his various jobs.

At the end of Max's second term, he was missing teaching so much it hurt. So, after much debate, Max, Donna, their 7-year-old daughter, Maeghan, and 5-year-old son, Caleb and the dogs and moved to Bucks County, Pennsylvania so Max could take a position at his Alma Matter, Pennsbury High School.

The distance of miles and time had not weakened the relationships of Donna's presidential family. She still kept in close contact with just about everyone she served in the White House with – especially with Presidential Candidate Josh Lyman. The lifelong bachelor was Uncle Josh to both Maeghan and Caleb and had been guest lecturer many times in Max's classes.

So, it was no surprise to Donna to see a letter with Josh's distinctive handwriting scrawled across the envelope as she sorted through the stack of mail on the kitchen table, but it was a nice treat.

Smiling to herself, she slit open the envelope and removed the single slip of paper from it. Her countenance quickly changed as she saw the five words written in glaring black ink on the starch white gubernatorial stationary.

"Donna –

I have cancer.

Josh."


	2. Shifted Reality

**Author Note**: So very sorry that I didn't update sooner! I didn't think that anyone was reading this… but for the faithful few who want to know what I'm doing to Joshua, here's the next chapter! R/R

xxxxx

My world stopped at that moment.

Max is my best friend in the whole world – but Josh and I have this undeniable connection that I don't have with Max. I don't even have a title for Josh anymore. He's just my Josh.

He was in our wedding. He's been in everyone's wedding. Sam and CJ's, Zoey and Michael's, Ellie and Robert's.

He's Maeghan's godfather. He's been a part of our family ever since our family began. He's the reason that Caleb's at Harvard.

He's always been there, always.

I don't know if my life can continue if he's suddenly not.

xxxxx

She was the first person I told.

CJ was the second.

Ever since she answered my phone that day in New Hampshire, Donna Moss, as she will always be to me, has been the true love of my life. I just spent the first eight years of our friendship being a putz and I missed my chance.

For the first few months after she announced her engagement, I considered telling her. Telling her that I loved her more than I could really ever adequately express. But then, I would see her and Max exchange a glance, and I couldn't take what they had together away from her. I love her too much for that.

CJ Seaborn has been my sanity for the past 27 years. Whenever I would get ready to go stark raving mad that Donna wasn't with me, CJ would remind me that I had my chance. Usually in a violent and painful manner, but nevertheless, she would remind me.

And I thought she was going to have my head when I told her about how I told Donna about the cancer.

"YOU WHAT?"

"I sent her a letter."

"Joshua Lyman, that was despicable. I cannot believe that you did that. Do you have no tact whatsoever?"

I was thoroughly confused at that point. But, never fear, she was ready to elaborate for me.

"Josh, whether you realize this or not, you're trying to get her back. When you told her you were running, you expected her to drop everything and become your Mrs. Landingham. Every time the four of us get together and one of us asks you about work, all you do is complain about your various assistants," CJ cocked her eyebrow and stared straight into my eyes as she took a sip of her iced tea.

"They suck, CJ. You know that, I know that, everyone knows that."

"Yes, Josh, we do. We've known it since the day you were elected – four years ago! There is no need to keep guilt tripping Donna. And with this cancer thing, you just told her. You didn't tell her and Max. You didn't tell her, Max, Maeghan and Caleb over dinner. You just told her. In a letter. A letter that probably made her world stop spinning. You're trying to make her into your Abbey, Josh, and she's not. She's not yours to begin with. Give it up."

If she wasn't CJ, I would have gotten up and walked straight out of that restaurant. But she is CJ and therefore, she's usually right.

Three and a half years ago – four days after I was sworn in as Governor of Connecticut – Sam went to his office at the American Embassy in London. He was serving there as Ambassador. He and CJ were so excited to be living in London. The two had never had any children – not for a lack of trying, but that's another story – and they had spent their lives traveling the world. Sometimes I went with them, but most of the time, not.

Anyway, Sam went to work that morning, not knowing that he was walking straight into a terrorist situation. He was dead within five minutes.

I was in my office, on the phone with one of my constituents, when my secretary at the time, Alyson, quickly walked into my office and turned on CNN. On the screen, for the entire world to see, was the decapitated body of my best friend being carried from the rubble of the scene.

I thought my life was over.

CJ's certainly was.

She lived in the Governor's mansion with me for a while, so she could collect what was left of her life and find a house in the US and all. During that time, she became completely invaluable to me. Not only as a friend, but also as a sister. She actually moved into my old house – only twenty minutes from my new one – and there have been times over the past three years that I've wondered if I could love her.

And then Donna comes for a visit and I find myself intoxicated by her once again.

Maybe I am trying to make Donna into Abbey Bartlet and maybe that was a really horrible way to tell her.

Maybe I just want her that desperately.

xxxxx

"Donna?"

No response.

"Donna?"

Still no response. Slightly worried, Max arose from his semi-

comatose state on the couch and meandered into the kitchen.

His wife was sitting in a chair, shaking violently and staring at a piece of paper that she was grasping in her hand.

Max quickly scooped her up and carried her to the couch in the family room. Stroking her hair and holding her lovingly, he was eventually able to calm her slightly and pry the paper from her fingers.

"Oh dear lord," he sighed. "Donnatella, love, speak to me."

She looked up at the other half of her soul and simply stated, "He's dying. My Joshua is dying."

I let her cry for a while. Not like I really had any other choice. She cried on and off for about two hours.

This woman and her lifelong boss were literally shoved into my life and invaded it completely. The day that I visited President Bartlet was the day that my life was completed. I not only found the love of my life, but a lifelong best friend as well.

Josh and I became friends before Donna and I became lovers. The bond between Josh and me was quickly cemented by our mutual love for baseball. My family has had season tickets to the Orioles for about three generations at this point. So, one Sunday afternoon, I called Josh and wondered if he'd want to go to a game with me. It was one of the greatest afternoons of my life. We talked about love, life, politics and what, exactly, he expected to do when Bartlet's term ended. And, of course, we talked about Donna.

We really talked mostly about Donna.

I really wasn't intending on dating her at that point, but after an afternoon of Josh telling me to go for her because of all of her various attributes, I felt that I would be a certifiable idiot if I didn't at least ask.

She said yes and the rest of the story is the miracle of my life.

Josh was just always around. When Maeghan was born, he was the logical choice for godfather. He would take care of her probably better than we could, something in us told us that.

He's just always been around. Birthdays, holidays, graduations, weddings, Josh Lyman slowly became an intricate and undeniable member of our family. He's one of Meg's best friends and Caleb's hero. Following in Uncle Josh's footsteps was always Caleb's dream.

Our lives, as we know them, will end with him.


	3. Max's Reaction

**Author Note:** Thank you so much for your feedback! Yendys – I'm sorry I had to keep you waiting so long but I'm thrilled you're enjoying it. Barrie – I agree. One of the reasons I started writing this story is that I was sick of stories where everything was always perfect.

R/R

xxxxx

Part of me loves him and the other part of me wants to knock him unconscious.

The major moral debate right now is which one should win?

I'm CJ Seaborn. Josh's "mi amor" and the wife of his best friend. If anyone has the right and jurisdiction to knock him around a bit, it's me, right?

It only took about 12 hours after the letter arrived at the Yates house for Max to call Josh.

I would have loved to be a fly on the wall for that.

xxxxx

"Josh? It's Max."

"Maxwell! How are ya buddy?"

There was a bit of a pause before Max continued, "What's with the letter Josh?"

I wasn't quite sure how to react to that. Max has a tendency to be blunt but he had never just come out with a cutting question like that. "Well…"

"Because the way I see it, Josh, and this just could be my lifelong jealousy of what you and Donna have, but you're trying to guilt my wife into loving you again."

How was I supposed to respond? I just stayed quiet for a few moments and let him rant and rave. I probably would have responded the same way.

"Josh, buddy, I took the day off work. Do you when the last time I did that was? Three years ago when Meg graduated. I don't take days off work. But I knew that if I walked into that classroom and talked about government my entire thought process would be about the way that my best friend just may be wanting to screw my wife. And I'm not entirely sure I could handle that right now.

WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING GOING BEHIND MY BACK LIKE THAT! **_I_** was the one that drove you to get the CT scan. I was the one that kept the secret. You had this planned all along didn't you? You were going to get me to help you and lull me into a false sense of security and make me keep it a secret from my wife so you could then turn around and tell her yourself, later, much later, when all the test results came back and guilt her into falling in love with you again. The two of you have this unexplainable thing that I'll never have with her. She loves you on a level that she could never love me and admittedly, I am insanely jealous of that. But you've never abused that love she's entrusted you with until now. At first, I felt the obligatory sympathy for you. I mean, you do have brain cancer, Josh, and you're probably going to die."

Thanks for bringing that up again, Max.

"And then I started to deeply think about that letter and the motives behind it and what an asshole move that was for you to pull and, so help me God, if you ever pull something like that on Donna again I will kill you myself."

And with that the phone clicked off in defiance. I sat there, in my office, staring at it for a moment. I replaced the receiver and pushed the speed dial button for CJ.

xxxxx

Well, I wasn't an exact fly on the wall, but I might of well have been. Josh has this keen ability to remember conversations word for word, so I know fairly well what went down.

When he called me, he used that voice that scares the shit out of me. The voice that's devoid of all emotion. The voice that tells me he's given up.

He can't fight this thing without Max and Donna and the kids. His body will just shut down and the people of Connecticut will find themselves dealing with an ordinary man instead of Josh. They've been too good to him and they don't deserve that.

So I told him to tell them.

"Josh, don't lie. We traveled down that road before. It sucks. It backfires faster than a supped up car. Tell them."

He took a deep breath and bit his lower lip. "Ceej, I don't want to tell myself yet."

I think he honestly thought that telling Donna so secretively would work. I think he thought it would make it all better and that she would come and make it all livable for him. She's always been his Florence Nightingale.

Meg told me once that the only fights her parents ever got in were when Donna left to go take care of Josh.

Something tells me that this thing just got a whole lot more complicated than God ever intended.

xxxxx

She's my wife.

We're three weeks away from our 25th anniversary.

For 25 fucking years, she's been my wife.

Her name is Donna Yates, not Donna Lyman.

Does he need me to write this down for him? Does he need a diagram? Should I make a congressional resolution to explain it better to him?

She's been at CJ's all weekend. She flew up last night. I'm not sure why she left. All I got was a note with her flight info and a plea to leave her alone for five days.

I don't know much about politics and what little I do know I've learned from my two best friends. And I know it's about time for Josh to officially announce his candidacy. I keep telling myself that that's why she's there. That she's up there as a member of his campaign. As executive assistant or some shit like that.

Whatever.

xxxxx


	4. My Uncle, the Candidate

**Author Note: **And so it continues… thanks for the reviews, friends. It really motivates me, trust me.

xxxxx

"Now, we need to make some serious decisions," CJ addressed the small gathering of my campaign staff.

I never planned it to go this way.

Never.

Sam was supposed to run and I was supposed to run his campaign, guide him to the White House and then be his chief of staff.

But Sam's dead.

And in a few years time, I will be too. Or months. Or weeks. Or days…

"Mr. Lyman?"

I turned my attention to the young man across the table from Donna. Mark Walters. CJ has him pegged for Press Secretary.

"Yeah, Mark?"

"What's your decision?"

Ah, the question of the hour.

"I think that's what we're deciding tonight, actually," I grinned.

Mark nodded, but I could tell he wasn't done.

"With all due respect, sir, that's not exactly what I was asking," he swallowed nervously. "I wanted to know if you're dying like they say you are. And if you are dying, how, if you can, could you justify running for President?"

xxxxx

Now, I haven't been around this kid for more than maybe five hours, but I hate him.

He's the first one to say those words out loud with Josh in the room. How dare he? Who does he think he is?

My Joshua is not dying.

As sure as my name is Donnatella Moss, he is not dying.

pause

As sure as my name is Donnatella Yates, Joshua Lyman is not dying.

I won't let him.

xxxxx

Uncle Josh called last night. He has brain cancer. It's terminal. And he's running for President.

My husband, Steven, answered the phone. I was in the study finishing up an article that was due this morning at 9. I'm a freelance editorialist for Good Housekeeping. I had always planned to be editor or something, but since I got married, freelancing suits me just fine.

I remember that I had just written the sentence, "But only when politicians truly let every skeleton out of their closet and be completely truthful with the citizens of the United States will we ever have a pure democracy."

"Megs, it's me."

"Hey, Uncle Josh! How are you?

"Are you busy? I have something pretty important to tell you."

Steven returns to his newspaper and I make my way into the bedroom. "I was just finishing up my article, but I'm ready for a break."

"Maeghan, I have brain cancer."

My world stopped spinning at that moment. I sunk down on the bed and began to let the tears roll down my face.

"It's terminal. They're going to try to remove the tumor, but it doesn't look to promising."

"Ok," I whispered. "How are you?"

"I'm pissed as hell, but I'm hanging in there. Thanks for asking."

"Are you just going to let your term run out or are you going to resign?"

He laughed. The insufferable man laughed at me. "Everyone seems to think that this means I'm going to act like I'm dead. Everything proceeding as planned."

My jaw dropped, "You're running for President?"

"Yeah. You still going to help?"

I wasn't quite sure how to respond. "Uncle Josh, with all due respect, do you honestly think that the people of this country will elect a man who's dying?"

He sighed a deep sigh. A sigh I know he has sighed before. "Meg, we're all dying. I know that that's a cliché answer, but it's true. I want to run for President. It's the next logical step for me. I believe that I'll serve this country well for as long as I'm physically able to. And I'm going to have one hell of a Vice President to take over for me when I'm gone."

"Who?"

"Aunt CJ."

My head was spinning. "Uncle Josh, Aunt CJ has never been elected to anything before in her life! She's either been appointed to things or married to someone who was."

"She's been Secretary of State, Co-Ambassador to England, France, Malaysia and China. She was the wife of the Director of the CIA. She has duel doctorates from Oxford and Yale. She's one of my best friends. There's no one better qualified for the job, Megs."

"Ok," I whispered again.

"What are you thinking?"

What am I thinking? I'm thinking this is going to ruin my parent's marriage. But it's not like I'm about to tell Uncle Josh that. So what do I say?

"I just can't believe it."

"Yeah, neither can I."

We sat in silence for a few moments before I finally say, "I'll help."

I could hear the grin he was wearing when he responded, "I'm glad."

"I'll talk to you later," I whisper. "I love you."

"I love you too, Megs."

I quietly replace the receiver and make my way out into the living room. Prying the newspaper from Steven's hands, I curled myself up in his lap and began to wail.

xxxxx

"Meg, do you realize that Mom hasn't been home in two weeks?"

My older sister bit her lip and nodded. Her eyes flickered everywhere around the restaurant before they finally connected with mine. "Has Dad called you?"

"A few times," I sigh. "I just don't know what to tell him anymore."

She paused to take a bite of her salad before continuing, "Do remember the first time Uncle Josh asked Mom to help him again?"

"What was that? 10 years ago?"

She nodded, "About that. I came home from work that night and walked into a war zone. It was horrible."

"It happens every time he asks."

"Yeah."

"You'd think she'd learn just to tell him no and not even bring it up."

"I think the problem is that she wants to go."

"Well, yeah," I replied.

"The problem is that Mom still loves Uncle Josh."

"Well, yeah, Megs. We all love Uncle Josh."

She smiled at me in that way that says 'Dumb boy, you just don't get it, do you?' "No, Caleb, Mom loves him. Like marriage loves him. Like I-wonder-if-she-regrets-marrying-Dad loves him."

I sat back in my chair. "Seriously?"

She nodded. "Caleb, I really scared."

"I am too."

"I'm scared for Uncle Josh, yeah, but for Mom and Dad, too."

"You realize that if we go help with the campaign it's going to seem to Dad like we're choosing sides."

"Yeah," she admitted. "Which side are you choosing?"

"I have no idea."

"Yeah, me neither."

"I thought you said you would help Uncle Josh," I shoved some food into my mouth.

"Not if he's sleeping with Mom."

"You really think that's what's going on?"

"I have no idea, Caleb. No flipping idea."

xxxxx


	5. Cufflinks

**Author Note:** The plot thickens…

xxxx

One week later

"Donna?" Josh called from the kitchen.

"In the family room!"

Josh was approximately two hours away from telling the nation he had brain cancer and he couldn't find his cufflinks.

"Have you seen my cufflinks?"

"Since when do you wear cufflinks?"

He rounded the corner in his living room to find her dusting his bookshelf. Most of her hair had found its way out of her ponytail and she was sweating rather profusely. She was wearing a pair of Caleb's lacrosse shorts and an old T-shirt that was full of holes. She hardly looked like the distinguished executive assistant of a presidential candidate.

He had never found her more beautiful.

'She's married, Josh. And not to you. To Max. Your best friend. Who swore to wreck you limb from limb if you ever so much as touched his wife again,' Josh reminded himself.

"Why are you dusting my house?" He asked.

"Because it's filthy, Joshua. I understand you don't have a wife, but is dusting and vacuuming that far out of reach for you?"

"I'm a busy man, Mrs. Yates. A very busy man," he grinned.

"Maids, Josh. In the phone book under 'M'. Call one."

"Whatever," he brushed her off. "Back to the cufflinks."

"The Joshua I worked with didn't wear cufflinks, so I really can't help you."

"I figured that maybe on your cleaning spree, you might have moved my cufflinks."

"Negatory, President Lyman. The cleaning lady didn't move your cufflinks," she teased, waving her feather duster in his direction.

As their eyes met, the two of them froze. Before his head could talk some sense into him, Josh took four steps to cross the room and pressed his lips to Donna's.

It was a kiss that was almost 30 years in the making. And for those few moments, it erased the past 30 years from Donna's mind. When they finally pulled away, they simply stood there staring at each other.

Josh was the first to speak, "Donna, I'm sorry."

'For what?' was on the tip of her tongue, and then she happened to feel the two rings that had resided on her left ring finger for the past 25 years. Shame fell like a curtain over her heart as she simply shook her head and reassured him. "I kissed you back."

Tears sprung to her eyes so quickly that they seemed to automatically spill over her eyelids. Running to the front door, she swung it open and began to run to CJ's house.

"Donnatella!" Step for step, Josh kept up with her. At the end of the street, he finally caught her and wrapped her into his arms.

"NO!" She practically screamed. "Josh! I'm married! To Max Yates. Just like I have been for 25 years now. I cannot kiss you."

"You did," he whispered.

She yanked herself away from him and began walking down the street.

"Where are you going?" He called after her.

"To CJ's."

He scoffed, "That's a 45 minute walk!"

Donna stopped and turned around. Staring her love right in the eye, she replied, "Then it'll be even faster if I run." Turning on her heel, she turned the corner and began the journey at a slow jog.

xxxxx

When she finally arrived at CJ's house about 30 minutes later, Donna collapsed on the couch and vowed never to move again. Her body was exhausted from the walk and her heart from the events of the past hour.

"How could I do it?" She muttered to herself.

"How could you do what?" CJ called from the front door.

Donna sat up with a start, "Ceej, you're here! I thought you were out."

"Well, yeah, I was. And then Josh called my cell phone and told me to get home because you were going to arrive hysterically exhausted." CJ eyed Donna, "While you don't exactly seem hysterical, I do see you being exhausted. What's up?"

Before Donna could start with the story, CJ moved to sit next to her on the couch and saw the clenched state of her jaw. "So, something happened that Josh thought would make you hysterically, but you're really just pissed off."

"Right."

"And it's probably Josh's fault."

"Partially."

"Partially?"

"Partially."

CJ brushed the hair off of her best friend's face and smiled. "Donna, Josh is a 1st class asshole. We've known that for years."

"But I love him," Donna whispered.

"Of course you do, Donna. We all love Josh. If we didn't, I'm sure one of us would have gotten him arrested by now," She replied. "And, if the polls can be trusted, this country is about to elect him as their President. Boggles the mind, doesn't it."

Donna pursed her lips and shook her head. "No, CJ. I love Josh. I love him like I was about ready to leave my husband an hour ago when he kissed me. I love him."

CJ swallowed hard. "He kissed you?"

"Yes. And I kissed him back."

"And you kissed him back."

"Are you a parrot now, CJ? I kissed Josh Lyman in his living room this afternoon!" Donna jumped up from the couch and began to frantically pace the living room.

"How long has it been since you talked to Max?"

"About three weeks. No, longer, because for about the last week I was there before I came here he wasn't speaking to me. So, about a month," Donna finally began to cry.

"You haven't spoken to your husband of 25 years in a month?"

"No," Donna paused at the window. "CJ, I'm scared."

"I think you need to find a therapist, Donna."

"So that the press can say that Josh's secretary is seeing a therapist? No way! It'll kill his campaign!"

CJ looked Donna directly in the eye, "So would the discovery of adultery."

"I HATE YOU!" Donna screamed and threw a pillow at CJ's head. "I came over here because I THOUGHT you were my FRIEND! And all you've done since I go here is YELL AT ME! CJ, I just cheated on my husband! I cheated on him with the man that I have loved forever! My entire marriage has been a sham, because when I was kissing Josh today, I completely forgot I was married to Max. Completely. Max was not even on my mind. I forgot about Maeghan and Caleb and the past 25 years of my life! I am pond scum! I suck, CJ, I just suck."

Donna collapsed back into the couch in gut-wrenching sobs and into CJ's arms.

"That's right, Donna, let it out, let it all out." CJ stroked her hair and let her weep.

xxxxx

I knew that she needed to cry. Donna and Max have a wonderful marriage, but there's a part of Donna that Max will never have – the part that belongs to Josh. That part of her heart has belonged to Josh Lyman the first moment they laid eyes on each other.

I remember the conversation with Sam that I had driving to Donna and Max's wedding. All Sam kept saying was, "I just can't believe she's going to marry someone else. I just can't believe she'd marry someone else."

We all just assumed it would be Josh and Donna. Even when Josh went through that thing with Amy, it never crossed my mind that Josh and Donna wouldn't eventually end up together.

I don't think it crossed Josh's mind either.

There's a large part of me that just absolutely wants to murder him for what he's done to her. But then, I have to keep remember that she didn't have to say yes.

A large part of Josh's hold on Donna's life is what she's let him have. Donna has let Josh have that part of her heart – she's never demanded it back or even just relinquished it.

Sometimes it seems that Donna has never wanted to let go. She's never wanted to give herself fully to Max – it's almost like she's hoping that Josh will one day realize his vast mistake in passing her up and come riding in on his white stead and sweep her off her feet.

Well, Donna, that day has finally come. Now, how exactly are you going to go about explaining it all to Max?

xxxxx


	6. Who's Who in Baltimore

**Author Note: **So, all those years of pent-up sexual frustration… what are they going to do about it now?

xxxxx

After Donna was finished crying her heart dry, she was so exhausted that she simply curled up on CJ's couch and took a four-hour nap.

During that time, CJ devised a plan.

A plan to let Donna get over Josh.

A plan to fix everything.

Over macaroni and cheese that night, CJ proposed the plan to Donna.

"You want me to what?"

"Write two letters; one to Josh and one to Max."

"And then you want me to burn them?"

CJ shook her head, "Just the one to Josh. You're going to go home as soon as you write the letter to Max and hand deliver his letter to him."

Skeptically, Donna raised an eyebrow. "And this is going to do what?"

"In the letter you write to Josh, you need to tell him everything. The moment you fell in love with him, why you married Max, why you kissed him, everything Donna. Absolutely everything. Even the things that are only the whispers of your heart. And if it takes you the rest of the week, then so be it. And once you finish the letter, you're going to burn it, signifying that you release Josh from your heart."

"And what about the letter to Max?"

CJ paused. "That's really up to you. But it needs to be the whole truth."

"I've screwed up pretty bad," Donna whispered.

"I think it'll probably be better than you think it will be. Max loves you and he wants to forgive you. I think that he's a lot more confused and hurt right now than hopping mad and ready to divorce you."

Donna nodded and began to turn the pages of her memory.

xxxxx

"My Dearest Joshua,

I love you.

For 30 years now, I have found myself falling desperately in love with you. I love Max, and I always will, but there are days I wish Max would die or leave me or something so that I could end up with you.

Isn't that horrible? And not like me at all. See what you've done to me?

When Max asked me out for the first time, remember how I asked your permission? I told you I didn't want to date your new best friend if you didn't want me to. Every fiber of my being, I wanted you to tell me no. But you didn't. And if it's possible, I found myself in love with two men – the one who wanted to marry me and the one I worked for.

You never asked, Josh. You never asked me to love you, you never asked me to be with you. So I told Max yes…"

It was not an eloquent letter, but it was true. It was everything that Donna had never said to anyone. Everything that she was afraid to utter, even to herself.

It took up seven pages, front and back. And when it was done – she lit the match.

xxxxx

"My fellow Americans, I address you tonight as a human being. A fragile and frail human being, who, like you, is subject to all of life's cruelties; disease and death, petulance and plague," Josh stared into the bay of microphones before him. Mark had set up this press conference without his permission and Josh was none too pleased. But, as CJ pointed out, the truth needed to be told.

"Two months ago, I was diagnosed with Stage 2 brain cancer. Tomorrow morning, I will undergo the first of three surgeries at John's Hopkins University Hospital to remove the three tumors that have lodged themselves upon my brain, but I regret to inform you that the doctors are doubtful that the surgery will remove the cancer.

"Many of you are asking why I'm running for president if I am suffering from a terminal illness. And as cheesy and cliché as you may find my answer, it's the one that is true. And the truth is what you deserve to know.

"We're all dying. Some of us just faster than others. None of us have any guarantee that we will be here tomorrow. I feel that I would make an excellent President and I know that I will serve the nation well for as long as I am able to serve you. I have selected a running mate who, while she may be unknown to you, is no stranger to the American Government and has served this country faithfully at home and abroad for the majority of her life. Claudia Jean Seaborn would make an exceptional president should I be unable to continue my term.

"I would love to lead you as your president, but the choice is entirely up to you. Thank you and goodnight."

Josh stepped down and briskly walked away from the podium, while Mark stepped up to answer questions.

Dragging CJ down the hall of the Connecticut State Capitol building, he muttered, "Where is she?"

"She?"

"Donna."

"She went home."

Josh stopped dead in his tracks. "Home? Like back to Max home?"

CJ smiled, "Yes, Joshua, back to Max home."

He stood there stupefied for a moment before continuing. "But my surgery is tomorrow! The flight leaves here in four hours! She can't get to her house and back in that amount of time."

"She isn't going to Baltimore with you."

"WHAT?"

CJ sighed, "She's not yours, Joshua. And you've violated that fact a couple too many times lately."

"But…"

"But what? I have tried to reason with you, I have tried to be nice. Whatever the heck was going on between the two of you is over. Move on."

Before Josh could respond, she began to walk towards her office, leaving him speechless in the hallway.

"What does she mean it's over?" He questioned aloud. "And why isn't Donna going to Baltimore with me tomorrow? Did I miss something?"

xxxxx

I In our next chapter, we find out what happens when Donna goes home… /I


	7. Doylestown

_knock knock knock knock knock_

"I am going to kill whoever that is with a screwdriver," Max muttered to himself. He rolled over grudgingly and looked at his alarm clock as the knocking continued. "It's Saturday and it's 3:30 in the flipping morning and someone is knocking at my door."

He hadn't had a very good night's sleep up until that point. Well, he actually hadn't had a good night sleep since Donna left a month ago, but tonight had been especially bad. Rabid thunderstorms had plagued the Delaware Valley since yesterday afternoon and Max had always had trouble sleeping through thunderstorms.

While he rummaged around for his slippers, he felt the pain attack his heart again. 'Donna always knew where my slippers were,' he thought as the familiar tears began to fill his eyes. 'She always knew where everything was.'

After about two weeks of no contact with her, Max began to conduct himself as though he was divorced. He found a clothes cleaning service to come pick up his laundry every week and a maid to come and clean the house once a week, because Max soon realized that the only thing he had ever done around the house, besides small handyman jobs, was mow the lawn. Donna had taken care of everything.

Their 25th anniversary had been on Tuesday. In a fit of rage and pain, Max had gotten all of the locks changed. He only got three keys made; one for him, one for Caleb and one for Maeghan.

Making his way down the stairs and to the front door, Max began to imagine the worst-case scenario for whoever was at the door.

"Meg's been raped, Caleb's been beaten, Meg and Steve's house burned down," he said to himself as he swung open the door.

"Donna?"

The shivering form of his prodigal wife stood before him on their porch. "Hi, Max."

Both of them just stood there for a minute before she finally cleared her throat and spoke. "I was just going to leave this on the kitchen table for you, but it appears you've had the locks changed."

"Yeah, sorry about that."

She bit her lip and smiled sadly as she pulled a thick envelope out of her pocket. "This letter explains everything that has been going on in my heart for a long time. If, after you read it, you still want to be my husband, meet me at the Starbucks downtown right as they open at 6am. I'll wait there until 7. If you're not there by then, just leave the door unlocked. I'll come pick up all of my stuff sometime today and move out."

"Back to Josh?" He sneered.

It took everything in her not to break out into tears at that point. "Just read the letter, Maxwell. Please."

His eyes followed her all the way back to the car as he fingered the enveloped in his hand. He stood there at the door, watching her until he couldn't see the car anymore. Then he quietly shut the door and went to his favorite chair in the family room. Settling himself down, he opened the letter and began to read.

xxxxx

She had already reserved a room at a bed and breakfast right in downtown Doylestown. Once she arrived, she took a shower, changed clothes and stared at the clock.

4:00

4:01

4:02

la lalala lalalaaaa

Automatically reaching for her cell phone, she checked the number on the screen.

"Who could this be? Hello?"

"Where the hell are you?"

"Josh! What are you doing up?"

"My surgery's scheduled for 7:30. They need me there two and a half hours in advance. We're driving to the hospital."

"Is CJ with you?"

"No, she's coming a little later. Why?"

"It was her job to make sure that you didn't call me."

"Is that why she took my cell phone from me yesterday?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

"So where are you calling from?"

"The phone in the limo."

"Why are you calling?"

"To find out why you aren't with me."

"Because I'm married, Joshua."

"That's never stopped you before."

"Well, it should have. It's taken me 25 years to realize that all along, it should have stopped me from –" she abruptly cut herself off.

"From what?"

Donna took a deep breath, "From loving you."

Josh's world stopped turning as he breathed out, "You love me?"

Donna felt the tears begin to collect in her eyes, "I did once, yes."

"How long ago?"

"About three days."

Josh almost dropped the phone, "What changed?"

"I admitted a lot of truths to myself and I said goodbye to you."

"No you didn't! You just disappeared! I had the press conference of my life yesterday and you weren't there. I'm having surgery, life altering surgery, today and you're not here!"

"That's right Josh, I'm not. I'm trying to fix my marriage." Her tears had turned into annoyance towards Josh's ignorance and she was beginning to get angry. "Do you know why Josh? Because the two of us have been conducting ourselves like we were married to each other for almost 30 years now! I have been married to another man for 25 of those years and that fact did little to change our behavior. That's unacceptable! I have broken the heart of the man who pledged to take care of mine and I am absolutely ashamed of myself."

"But Donna, I'm dying."

"Oh dear Lord, don't you even try to pull that card on me! As you have said yourself, more times that I can count, we're all dying! And I'm really sorry that you have to die this way, and I have cried hundreds of thousands of tears for you. Please do not lead me to believe that those tears were wasted."

"So what am I supposed to do?"

"Say goodbye to me, Josh. Because until we can each make the choice to not love each other, we can't see each other."

"I don't know if I can do that."

"Then goodbye Joshua Lyman."

click

It took everything that Donna had not to cry. She had promised herself that she would shed no more tears over Josh as long as he was on earth.

ring

"What Josh?"

"What about my Presidency?"

"Have you been elected yet?"

"No, but our plan was to have you as my executive secretary."

"That plan's a little up in the air right now," Donna replied slowly.

"Ok," Josh replied, equally as slowly. "When will you know?"

"It's all up to Max."

"Ok."

"This is really goodbye for a while now, ok Josh? Don't call again."

"But – "

click

4:45

4:46

4:47

xxxxx

5:45

5:46

5:47

Donna must have looked at her watch four hundred times in the past hour. It took exactly 6 minutes to walk from the bed and breakfast to Starbucks; she had walked it many times in the past hour, just to make sure she wouldn't be late.

5:50

5:51

5:52

Donna grabbed her purse and an extra pack of Kleenex and began the longest walk of her life.

xxxxx


	8. Starbucks

xxxxx

Max grabbed the envelope and threw it in his briefcase. He had no idea why he was taking the briefcase, but he had never left the house a day in his life without it and he certainly wasn't going to start now.

During the short drive over to downtown Doylestown, Max found himself thinking about everything but Donna.

I really hope there's parking right by Starbucks. There never is, but maybe today there will be. I wonder if Caleb is going to call me anytime soon, I haven't heard from him in a while. I should stop at Dunkin' Donuts and bring my B period kids some doughnuts on Monday. They've been working really hard lately…

But all semblance of intelligent thought flew out of his head as he saw a familiar silhouette walking down the sidewalk a bit in front of him. He quickly turned down a side street so she wouldn't see him. Flying around corners and blatantly ignoring stop signs, Max maneuvered his way to the other side of Starbucks and snuck in the back door. Settling into the chair in the corner, Max moved the chair a bit to make sure that he was the first thing that Donna saw when she walked in.

And when she did, his heart stopped. _Is it possible that I love her more today than I ever have before?_ he asked himself.

Donna stopped at the door as her eyes connected with Max's. _He's here! I really never thought he'd come! He's here!_

Max stood and gestured for Donna to take the seat across from him. As she did, he began to speak.

"Donna, there are many things to be said between the two of us – much more than any one morning can contain. But –"

"I know that Max, but I wanted –" she stopped as he held up his hand.

"But there are also some things that need to be said this morning."

She quietly nodded and began to finger the ring on her hand. He noticed, and began to smile. "You still wear your rings?"

Donna's eyes began to well up with tears, "Max, I've never taken them off."

When she said that, everything in Max's being told him to wrap her in his arms and spend the rest of the day staring into her captivating eyes, but reason told him to be patient.

"Max, I can't even begin to tell you how much it means to me that you're here right now."

"I can't even begin to tell you how much it means to me that you asked me to be here right now."

Donna fished in her purse for Kleenex as her tears began to overflow. "Max, how did I let it get this bad?"

He sighed, "I don't have an answer for that right now."

There was a bit of a silence before Max spoke. "I have a letter for you, too. It's my response to everything you wrote, because I knew I wouldn't be able to correctly articulate everything that needed to be said. So, here," he dug into his briefcase and took out a small stack of paper. "You read, I'll get our coffee."

"My precious Donnatella,

I sit here in our house, in my favorite chair, four days after our 25th wedding anniversary. Speaking of my favorite chair, do you know why it's my favorite? Two reasons: one, it was one of your wedding presents to me and two, because when I'm in it, you fit very comfortably on my lap.

I haven't been able to sit in that chair since you left. But I knew I couldn't read your letter in any other chair.

Contrary to your belief, I have never stopped loving you. I have begun to become moderately to very angry with both you and Josh, but I have never stopped and will never stop loving you.

I'm not sure how much it shocks me that you finally kissed Josh. I think I knew it needed to happen. I'm pissed as hell, but not surprised.

Donna, Josh was your best friend and confidant for a while before I came into the picture. For almost five years, he was your entire world and you two built connections during that time that are unbreakable. But, as you stated, you are my wife.

And I want you to stay my wife.

Our marriage will never be the same; that I know. But I also know that it really can't get worse.

If you need to go be with Josh today after you read this, I understand. Just let me go with you this time.

I know one of the questions on your mind is what's going to happen now after I retire. Well, if Josh is still alive, he'll need a secretary. And there's not a better one on this planet than my wonderfully radiant wife of 25 years.

I love you more than I can ever express to you, and I forgive you.

Now, reach into the front section of my briefcase and pull out the manila envelope.

I love you,

Max"

Donna raised an eyebrow at her husband who had just returned with their coffee. "You don't even give me time to react? You just order me to do something?"

"Yup."

"Ok," she grinned as she opened the envelope and pulled out a Celebrity Cruise brochure with papers sticking out of it. "What the heck is this?"

"Well, the school year is over in four days. One week from today, I booked us passage on the Celebrity Millennium for a 10-day cruise through the Caribbean."

Donna's jaw dropped and she shrieked, "What?"

"Happy anniversary, honey," Max replied smugly.

"Maxwell Yates, you are so in trouble," Donna growled through tears.

Max laughed, "Yeah, you're a big threat. Come here," he smiled through his tears as he beckoned Donna to climb into his lap.

As they embraced and symbolically resealed their marriage covenant Donna whispered into Max's ear, "I don't deserve you."

"There is nothing I have done to deserve you."

The pair let their tears mix as their lips locked in the first kiss of their new marriage.

_la la la laaa_

"Donna, it's your cell phone," Max murmured.

"Let it ring."

"It might be Josh."

"No it won't. He's in pre-op."

"It's still ringing."

"You answer it."

Max sighed and retrieved Donna's cell phone. "Hello?"

"Max?"

"Yeah."

"It's CJ."

"Hey there."

"So are you going?"

"CJ knew about this?" Donna whispered

Max nodded as he replied, "Yeah."

"Are you coming?"

"I don't know, hold on," he pressed the phone to his chest and asked, "Are we driving to Baltimore today?"

"Why?" Donna asked.

"Well, my best friend is having brain surgery and I'd like too see him when he wakes up," Max replied.

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah," he smiled.

"Then, yeah," she giggled. "We're coming."

"We're coming, CJ."

"Wonderful! Maybe that'll make him stop whining. See you later then."

Max clicked the phone off and smiled at Donna, "Josh was whining."

"Surprise of the century."

"And to think you loved him once."

"I know!" Donna exclaimed, "What was I thinking?"

"Well, you just hadn't met me yet."

"Oh, of course! How would I have chosen Joshua Lyman over the hot, beefy man meat before me? How could I have been so naïve? I deserve to be punished."

Max contorted his face to make it look as stern as possible, "Yes, you do. Now, what should your punishment be?"

Donna bit her lip to keep from laughing as she replied, "I'm sure you'll think of something."

Max laughed out loud. "I'm sure I will."

xxxxx


	9. Reconciliation

xxxxx 

"Do they have any idea how much longer it will be?" Max asked the nurse nervously.

"Sir, Governor Lyman's procedure is very delicate and intricate. The doctor's are taking their time to make sure that they've got all that they can get," the nurse explained patiently.

"When he was shot," Donna murmured to herself, "his surgery was almost 14 hours long."

"I know," CJ said with a wry grin, "I remember."

"He's been in there for almost that long this time," Max said.

CJ abruptly stood and announced, "I'm hungry. Who wants what?"

Max looked at his hands as he replied, "There's no way I could eat right now."

"Get him coffee and a bagel," Donna smiled knowingly at her husband. "And I'll have the same, but I'm coming with you."

xxxxx

"Sir?" The doctor addressed Max a little while later.

"Yes?"

"Governor Lyman is out of surgery. He should wake up in about an hour," the doctor replied while untying his facemask.

"Did everything go ok?" Max asked nervously.

"Well," the doctor sighed, "we couldn't get all of it. But he knew that going in. The tumor has kind of wrapped itself around the stem of his brain and in order to get the entire tumor, we would have had to sever his brain stem. So he still has cancer and it's still terminal, but we removed everything that would cause him the most pain."

Max nodded, trying to absorb all of this. "So, nothing was really accomplished today?"

"Oh no!" The doctor disagreed, "Much was accomplished. The tumor was becoming so heavy that over time it probably would have snapped his brain stem. The governor said that he's been having some fairly massive headaches lately, and those were from the pressure of the tumor pressing against the brain cavity and the stem. So his most immediate danger and intense pain were alleviated."

Max nodded, "Ok, thank you, doctor."

"His recovery room is the first door on the left down that hallway if you'd like to wait there," the doctor offered.

"Thanks, I think I will," Max smiled as he collected his belongings and made his way to Josh's room.

If you had told me he was dead, I probably would have believed you. He certainly looked dead.

All those tubes and IV lines running in and out of him, I wondered how much of that was helping and how much was hurting and if Josh was really even in there anymore.

The great Josh Lyman – dying of brain cancer from a tumor that even the greatest brain surgeons in the world couldn't fix.

Inconceivable.

I just stood at the doorway for a few moments trying to absorb all of this and I just couldn't. So I sat in a chair in the corner and waited.

Two days passed before Josh regained total consciousness. He awoke several times, but it was apparent to all those surrounding him that he was in no way coherent.

But when he did regain mental clarity, it was only appropriate that the last person on his mind when he went under was the person in the room with him when he awoke.

Max.

During the entire time he was going through pre-op, all Josh could think about was Donna and Max, but especially Max. He had so much to apologize for and no guarantee of an opportunity.

So the moment that Josh opened his eyes and heard Max's voice, he knew what he had to say.

"Max," Josh groaned.

Max was startled to hear the sound of his friend's voice. "Josh?"

"Yeah," he whispered weakly.

"How are ya buddy?"

"I have tubes in me, Max. How do you think I feel?"

Max chuckled, "He's awake." He began to reach for the nurse call button, when Josh stopped him.

"No, Max. I need to talk to you," Josh's voice began to gain strength.

"Whatever it is, I'm sure it can wait for the nurses to come and take care of you," Max replied.

"No, it can't. Sit down," Josh commanded.

Raising an eyebrow, Max scooted the chair closer to the bed and said, "Yes, Mr. President."

"I'm sorry."

"For?"

"For wanting to screw your wife."

Max sat back in the chair and let out a deep breath of air. "Wow."

"Yeah."

There was a short pause before Max said softly, "Apology accepted."

"What?" Josh's eyes went wide.

"You're forgiven, Josh. I'm not mad at you anymore."

"But…"

"What you did was totally wrong and I should probably rip you limb from limb for kissing Donna, but I forgave you and Donna when I made the decision a few days ago to stay married and I'd be missing out on a great friendship with the President of the United States if I stayed mad at you, so, you're forgiven."

They sat in silence for a few moments while Josh's head reeled at the simplicity of it all until Max finally said, "If I don't call Donna and CJ in soon, they're gonna kill me."

Josh mustered a bit of a laugh as Max went ahead and pushed the call button.


	10. The Journey's End

**Author Note: ** And here, my faithful readers, is where this journey ends. From what I've read, most of you enjoyed it.

xxxxx

With tears in her eyes, the experienced news anchor interrupted Saturday night "Must See TV" to bring the nation the news.

"It's been confirmed that President Lyman lost his battle with brain cancer this afternoon at 4:55. He died in the residence of the West Wing, surrounded by his closest friends, Senior Staff and Vice President Seaborn. White House Staffers report that the President was at his desk working until a little after 2 this afternoon and only retired to his bedroom when the pain became unbearable. Vice President CJ Seaborn was sworn in as President of the United States only moments ago in the Oval Office.

"Funeral arrangements for President Lyman have yet to be made, but NBC will bring you information as soon as we have it. We now return you to your regularly scheduled program."

xxxxx

I just can't believe that he's gone. I mean, it's kind of been a waiting game for three years now, but still, he's gone.

There were times that I could forget that he was dying, but recently they got fewer and farther between. But early in it all, it was pretty easy. I mean, there was no way, just by looking at him to tell that he had terminal brain cancer, so I let myself forget a lot.

During the campaign – that was all any of the reporters wanted to talk about. Every time Josh or CJ had a microphone in front of them, someone asked about the cancer. The good side of this is that funding for cancer research went through the roof.

But, research money or not, it never did Josh any good. Every month, his doctors gave him a new miracle drug that never performed any miracles.

We had some pretty major victories, though. And I had the privilege of working right outside the door of the Oval Office while it all happened. Like the time that Dr. Mulligan presented Josh with the documentation for the AIDS vaccine. Or when they released the hostages from Libya. Or when Josh saw Maeghan and Steven's daughter for the first time.

It's been a good ride but it's over. President Lyman is dead and so is my Joshua.

Saturday, May 27 – exactly four years from the day that changed everything – everything changed again. For now the world needs to learn how to get on without one of its greatest citizens – my best friend and the man I once loved. And so do I.

xxxxx


End file.
